Fatherhood

A. WHAT IS FATHERHOOD?

We can discover the meaning of Fatherhood from Sacred Scripture. Firstly, St. Paul tells us that all Fatherhood comes from God the Father, the first person of the Blessed Trinity: “I bow my knees to the Father of Our Lord Jesus Christ, of whom all paternity in heaven and earth is named” (Eph 3:14,15). He also teaches that creation and government come from God alone, and in this he includes both the Father and the Son: “There is but one God, the Father, of whom are all things, and we unto him; and one Lord Jesus Christ, by whom are all things, and we by Him” (I Cor 8:6). Fatherhood, therefore, belongs to the one true God. He furthermore teaches that as an Apostle he shares in the Fatherhood of God: “For if you have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet not many fathers. For in Christ Jesus, by the Gospel, I have begotten you” (I Cor 4:15).

Fatherhood consequently is a relationship which means ultimately a “communication of being” or putting into being the “mysterious ray of life” (Pius XII). St. Thomas Aquinas points out that this reality is an analogy, derived from creatures to God. This means that there are different kinds of communication of being, some more elevated than others. In the most sublime manner God the Father is the principle without principle in the mystery of the Trinity, and hence source of divine life. Then, the Blessed Trinity is Father with respect to all creation, as when It declared: “Let us make man to our image and likeness” (Gen 1:26).

Thirdly it applies to human fatherhood, by which a man engenders children, with all that this implies.

Fourthly, it applies to spiritual fatherhood, that of priests, reaching its culmination in that of the Pope “yet however great this universal and spiritual fatherhood may be, it is merely a dim reflection of that supreme, transcending and infinite Fatherhood” (Pius XII) of God. In order to clarify this spiritual fatherhood, Pope Pius XII quoting St. Thomas Aquinas, teaches that fatherhood exists even amongst the angels, for a higher angel illuminates and perfects the intelligence of lower angels, making himself the father of the other angels “like the teacher who is father of his pupil and always communicates new stimuli to the life of the mind” (Pius XII).

This spiritual fatherhood is in turn a participation in the most sublime Fatherhood of Almighty God, when he adopts us as children to the life of grace. By sending the Holy Ghost, the Sanctifier, into our souls, he regenerates us from being children of wrath to sons of God. It is in this supernatural fatherhood that every father is called to cooperate. It is precisely to emphasize this dependence of spiritual fatherhood on God Himself that Our Lord rebuked the Pharisees, who wanted to be Rabbis, masters and fathers in their own right: “Call none your father upon earth; for one is your father, who is in heaven” (Mt 23:9). It is precisely because a priest does nothing by himself, but is the instrument of God that we call a him a father, because he is another Christ, and takes the place of Christ, true God, in passing on the life of grace to our souls.

These considerations give an idea of the full dimension of fatherhood, as a sharing of every form of life, especially the most elevated forms, intellectual and spiritual life.

B. HUMAN FATHERHOOD

The book of Genesis explains why it is that man only is called father, and not woman. For Adam was the first to be created, and it was from his rib that God created Eve, and Adam said: “This now is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man” (Gen 2:23). This is the explanation given by Pope Pius XII: “No longer from inert slime, but from the living side of man, is the second life drawn, a life that becomes his helpmate – woman, a ray of intelligence and love, Adam’s collaborator in the transmission of life, formed from him”. Thus by the command to increase and multiply (Gen 1:28) “the Creator transferred to man himself His own august privilege of Fatherhood”.

But in what, precisely, does human fatherhood consist? If we take a look at God’s Fatherhood, we see that this communication of life means taking responsibility for everything that He has created. For He has established a law of nature to govern all things, and a purpose, namely that all the creatures exist to help man to save his soul and ultimately to give greater glory to Almighty God. Moreover, God has not only given us our nature, our land, our country, our family, our nourishment. He has also given us a Redeemer, the fruits of the Redemption and the Church and all the graces needed to go to heaven. Human fatherhood will do likewise. It will be a fidelity to the duties and responsibilities that come from participating in the mystery of God’s fatherhood. It will establish order on the natural level and promote the life of grace on the supernatural one.

Can it be said that a woman participates in the fatherhood of God? Properly speaking, no, for her role in communicating life is that of motherhood, which is a cooperation, a companionship, a helping, rather than simply a taking of responsibility. It is for this that a woman is prepared by nature and why she is gifted with such empathy, generosity and self-sacrifice. Nevertheless, the Abbess of a monastery of nuns, or the superioress of a community of women, in effect does have a real share in God’s fatherhood to the extent that she must take responsibility, make decisions and establish order. Likewise, a woman who is an employer and who runs a business. She cannot avoid fatherly responsibilities, while at the same time striving to lose nothing of her feminine and motherly delicateness, affection, kindness and meekness. The same applies in families, when the father is either absent, or weak or deficient in performing his duties. His wife, the mother, must embrace the role of being both father and mother, as best she can, out of necessity, taking responsibility and enforcing discipline, although it is not of the natural law. However, the grave danger is all these exceptional cases is for the woman to lose sight of her true dignity, and become harsh, dictatorial, angry, bitter, proud, egoistic and envious.

The rise of feminism is precisely this – when a woman loses sight of her motherly dignity and aspires after a false paternity. The root is clear. It is the failure of men to exercise their fatherhood. A woman thinks that she can do what a man does (physically she can), and in so striving destroys her identity, loses contact with her nature, and as a consequence with the dependence on God’s Fatherhood upon which all order depends. The repulsive examples of successful female politicians show the end result. If we had more true fathers, feminism would come to an end, and we would have more real mothers.

C. DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES OF FATHERS

Physical upbringing. The obligation of taking care of the health of a child begins from the moment of conception, and includes providing for the needs of the mother, her health and her emotional well being. Once born, the father has the responsibility of taking care of clothing, nourishment, dwelling and medical care. If he cannot do so alone, he should seek the help that he needs, for he is responsible. Hence the importance of planning before marriage. This continues for as long as the child is unable to support himself, and if handicapped or retarded for his whole life. It is consequently a grievous sin against justice to waste money on other things (e.g. alcohol), but to deprive children of the necessities of life.

Means of self support. The father has the obligation of ensuring that his children are instructed or formed in a skill or trade that will enable them to support themselves, and even of providing some moderate inheritance when possible (“For neither ought the children to lay up for their parents, but the parents for their children” – 2 Cor 12:14).

Love and affection. This is natural is natural, for the child is another self of the father, whom naturally he ought to love as his own self. This assures the emotional stability necessary for the proper development of character, and also self-confidence, ability to trust and relate to others in society. This natural love is elevated in turn by the supernatural longing to share the life of faith and grace with one’s own children.

Grievous sins against this are frequent, and are manifested by the various kinds of abuse: either verbal, physical or sexual. A father frequently justifies his anger, frustration, annoyance by the disobedience of children, or their lack of respect. However, his lack of self-control is much more regularly the cause of the disobedience and disrespect than their effect. Such impatience never helps. When a child is to be disciplined, it is with patience and firmness, never with anger, as the Scripture says: “And you, fathers, provoke not your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and correction of the Lord” (Eph 4:6).

Cursing children or calling them offensive names can be a mortal sin on account of the grave scandal that it causes, or a venial sin if without scandal and not premeditated, but rather out of passing, uncontrolled anger. Nevertheless grave harm is done to the child. This is especially the case because this becomes a learned behaviour that is passed on. Not infrequently, children will repeat towards their own children the abuse that they so resented when they were young.

Excessive or unjust punishments, such as throwing a child out of the house, are also serious sins against paternity, as also is revealing the hidden faults of one’s children, unless it is for a reasonable cause, such as to obtain help to overcome a child’s vice. Likewise it is a serious sin to refuse to discipline children, either out of laziness or out of misplaced affection. The first book of Kings contains the rebuke of the high priest Heli, who refused to discipline his sons: “For I have foretold unto him, that I will judge his house for ever, for iniquity, because he knew that his sons did wickedly, and did not chastise them” (3:13).

If the temporary withdrawal of affection, as a reproach for wrongdoing, can be helpful, it must not be lasting. To show great affection to one child (even if better behaved), and to withdraw affection from another, causes grave disorders and conflicts. If all cannot be loved equally, they all must be loved (and St. John Bosco says that they must feel that they are loved, which is not the same thing) and all be helped. This becomes a real challenge for the father of a difficult, rebellious, lying child. The child must be chastised, but not rejected, made fun of, or despised. Otherwise, he will never have any motive to change.

This obligation of a father to love, correct, and admonish his children never ceases, even after their education is complete, and even though their attitude might be one of disrespect.

Spiritual education. This obligation is contained in the 1917 Code of Canon Law, Canon 1113: “Parents are bound by a most serious obligation to provide to the best of their power for the religious and moral as well as for the physical and civil education of their children, and also to provide for their temporal welfare”. This obligation is in the supernatural domain, and requires that the father provides a child with the knowledge, the discipline, the formation and the example needed to save his soul. Pope Pius XII taught: “It is your obligation to give your children and heirs...the wealth of faith, the atmosphere of hope and charity, inspiration for a courageous and constant Christian life”. In this nothing can be compared to the example of a humble and sincere prayer life, and to his willingness to lead the family in prayer, in the daily Rosary, in the assistance at Mass, in the reception of the sacraments.

Pope Pius XII speaks especially of the importance of the example: “Be their model in the journey to goodness, and always be such that your children need only liken themselves to you, and be praised as being in your own image… May they find the light of their way by watching you, by imitating you, by (...) remembering your warnings and advice... May they remember a mutual love grown ever deeper through the years, a helpful and charitable goodness devoting itself to every misfortune…. louder than any words with be the voice of your example... a mirror reflecting your practical life before their eyes... an example that they will probe and judge with the terrible clarity and relentless penetration of their youthful curiosity”.

It is the father’s responsibility to see to it that his children receive a Catholic education. It is strictly forbidden to send them to non-Catholic schools (Canon 1374), which includes all public schools or those run by different religious sects. In exceptional circumstances the permission of the Bishop of the diocese was formerly required to do so, and then only if there is a guarantee that there is no danger to the Faith.

This means that home schooling can become an obligation when no Catholic school is available. However, it will only succeed if the father himself must takes the responsibility for it, although his wife does most of the work.

Another responsibility a father has is that his children be legitimate, that is born within a valid Catholic marriage, and not in concubinage. It is a injustice to a child to be raised outside a Catholic marriage and family, and to suffer the infamy of illegitimacy, for only a Catholic family can provide for his emotional and spiritual needs.

Duties towards the mother of his children. No father can fulfill his duties correctly and give the children the emotional and spiritual security they need, unless he shows the constant respect and love that he owes his wife. Domestic arguments, conflicts, and anger must be avoided at all costs, if the children are to be stable emotionally and have a spiritual model to follow. Not only must be show affection, but his love must be effective. He has the duty to help out with the chores around the home, with the teaching of catechism and other duties. He must take responsibility for his wife’s duties, which means to help her out in time of need, and to show careful consideration for her difficulties and weaknesses. Not only must he show wisdom and patience in governing his family, but he must dedicate his time and energy, not counting the cost. Again Pope Pius XII: “Love never measures or compares; it gives of itself, always reckoning as too little whatever it does for those it loves”. In this way his Catholic Faith gives to his wife the dignity that belongs to her as wife and mother. This is surely his most important duty as a father.